ONNA DAIGAKU

Or

Instructions for Girls

Attributed to Kaibara Ekiken

First published 1716-1736

SEEING that it is a girl's destiny, on reaching womanhood, to go to a new home, and live in submission to her father-in-law, it is even more incumbent upon her than it is on a boy to receive with all reverence her parents' instructions. Should her parents, because of her tenderness, allow her to grow up self-willed, she will infallibly show herself capricious in her husband's house, and thus alienate his affection; while, if her father in-law be a man of correct principles, the girl will find the yoke of these principles intolerable. She will hate and decry her father-in-law, and the end of these domestic dissensions will be her dismissal from her husband's house and the covering of herself with ignominy. Her parents, forgetting the faulty education they gave her, may, indeed, lay all the blame on the father-in law. But they will be in error; for the whole disaster should rightly be attributed to the faulty education the girl received from her parents.

More precious in a woman is a virtuous heart than a face of beauty. The vicious woman's heart is ever excited; she glares wildly around her, she vents her anger on others, her words are harsh and her accent vulgar. When she speaks, it is to set herself above others, to upbraid others, to envy others, to be puffed up with individual pride, to jeer at others, to out do others -- all things at variance with the way in which a woman should walk. The only qualities that befit a woman are gentle obedience, chastity, mercy, and quietness.

DEMARKATION BETWEEN THE SEXES

From her earliest youth a girl should observe the line of demarcation separating women from men, and never, even for an instant, should she be allowed to see or hear the least impropriety. The customs of antiquity did not allow men and women to sit in the same apartment, to keep their wearing apparel in the same place, to bathe in the same place, or to transmit to each other anything directly from hand to hand. A woman going abroad at night must in all cases carry a lighted lamp; and (not to speak of strangers) she must observe a certain distance in her relations even with her husband and with her brothers. In our days the women of lower classes, ignoring all rules of this nature, behave themselves disorderly; they contaminate their reputations, bring down reproach upon the head of their parents and brothers, and spend their whole lives in an unprofitable manner. Is not this truly lamentable? It is written likewise in the Lesser Learning that a woman must form no friendship and no intimacy except when ordered to do so by her parents or by middlemen. Even at the peril of her life must she harden her heart like rock or metal and observe the rules of propriety.

SEVEN REASONS FOR DIVORCE

In China marriage is called "returning," for the reason that a woman must consider her husband's home as her own, and that, when she marries, she is therefore returning to her own home. However low and needy her husband's position may be, she must find no fault with him, but consider the poverty of the household which it has pleased Heaven to give her as the ordering of an unpropitious fate. The sage of old taught that, once married, she must never leave her husband's house. Should she forsake the "way " and be divorced, shame shall cover her till her latest hour. With regard to this point, there are seven faults that are termed the "Seven Reasons for Divorce “

(i) A woman shall be divorced for disobedience to her father-in-law or mother-in-law.

(ii) A woman shall be divorced if she fails to bear children, the reason for this rule being that women are sought in marriage for the purpose of giving men posterity. A barren woman should, however, be retained if her heart be virtuous and her conduct correct and free from jealousy, in which case a child of the same blood must be adopted; neither is there any just cause for a man to divorce a barren wife if he have children by a concubine.

(iii) Lewdness is a reason for divorce.

(iv) Jealousy is a reason for divorce.

(v) Leprosy or any like foul disease is a reason for divorce.

(vi) A woman shall be divorced who, by talking overmuch and prattling disrespectfully, disturbs the harmony of kinsmen and brings trouble on her household.

(vii) A woman shall be divorced who is addicted to stealing.

All the "Seven Reasons for Divorce" were taught by the sage.s A woman, once married, and then divorced, has wandered from the "way," and is covered with great shame, even if she should enter into a second union with a man of wealth and position.

It is the chief duty of a girl living in the parental house to practice filial piety towards her father and mother. But after marriage her duty is to honor her father-in-law and mother-in-law, to honor them beyond her father and mother, to love and reverence them with all ardor, and to tend them with practice of every filial' piety. While thou honourest thine own parents, think not lightly of thy father-in-law! Never should a woman fail, night and morning, to pay her respects to her father-in-law and mother-in-law. , Never should she be remiss in performing any tasks they may require of her. With all reverence must she carry out, and never rebel against, her father-in-law's commands. On every point must she inquire of her father-in-law and mother-in-law, and abandon herself to their direction. Even if thy father-in-law and mother-in-law be pleased to hate and vilify thee, be not angry with them, and murmur not. If thou carry piety towards them to its utmost limits, and minister to them in all sincerity, it cannot be but that they will end by becoming friendly to thee.

THE WIFES MISCELLANEOUS DUTIES

A woman has no particular lord. She must look to her husband as her lord, and must serve him with all worship and reverence, not despising or thinking lightly of him. The great lifelong duty of a woman is obedience. In her dealings with her husband, both the expression of her countenance and style of her address should be courteous, humble, and conciliatory, never peevish and intractable, never rude and arrogant. That should be a woman's first and chief care. When the husband issues his instructions, the wife must never disobey them. In doubtful case she should inquire of her husband, and obediently follow his commands. If ever her husband should inquire of her, she should answer to the point -- to answer in a careless fashion were a mark of rudeness. Should her husband be roused at any time to anger, she must obey him with fear and trembling, and not set herself up against him in anger and forwardness. A woman should look on her husband as if he were Heaven itself, and never weary of thinking how she may yield to her husband and thus escape celestial castigation.

As brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law are the brothers and sisters of a woman's husband, they deserve all her reverence. Should she lay herself open to the ridicule and dislike of her husband's kind ed, she would offend her parents-in-law, and do harm even to herself; whereas, if she lives on good terms with them, she will likewise rejoice the hearts of parents-in-law. Again, she should cherish, and be intimate with, her brother-in-law and his wife, esteeming them as she does her own elder brother and sister.

Let her never even dream of jealousy. If her husband be dissolute, she must expostulate with him, but never either nurse or vent her anger. If her jealousy be extreme, it will render her countenance frightful and her accent repulsive, and can only result in completely alienating her husband from her, and making her intolerable to his eyes. Should her husband act ill and unreasonably, she must compose her countenance and soften her voice to remonstrate with him; and if he be angry and listen not to the remonstrance, she must wait over a season, and then expostulate with him again when his heart is softened. Never set thyself up against thy husband with harsh features and a boisterous voice.

A woman should be circumspect and sparing in her use of words, and never, even for a passing moment, should she slander others or be guilty of untruthfulness. Should she ever hear of calumny, she should keep it to herself and repeat it to none; for it is the retailing of calumny that disturbs the harmony of kinsmen and ruins the peace of families.

A woman must be ever on the alert, and keep a strict watch over her own conduct. In the morning she must rise early, and at night go late to rest. Instead of sleeping in the middle of the day, she must be intent on the duties of her household, and must not weary of weaving, sewing, and spinning. Of tea and wine she must not drink overmuch, nor must she feed her eyes and ears with theatrical performances, ditties, and ballads. To temples (whether Shinto or Buddhist) and other like places where there is a great concourse of people, she should go but sparingly till she has reached the age of forty.

She must not let herself be led astray by mediums and diviners, and enter into an irreverent familiarity with the gods; neither should she be constantly occupied in praying. If only she satisfactorily perform her duties as a human being, she will enjoy divine protection without prayer.

In her capacity of wife, she must keep her husband's household in proper order. If the wife be evil and profligate, the house is ruined. In everything she must avoid extravagance, and both with regard to food and raiment must act according to her station in life, and never give way to luxury and pride.

While young, she must avoid the intimacy and familiarity of her husband's kinsmen, comrades, and retainers, ever strictly adhering to the rule of separation between the sexes; and on no account whatever should she enter into correspondence with a young man. Her personal adornments and the color and pattern of her garments should be unobtrusive. It suffices for her to be neat and cleanly in her person and in her wearing apparel. It is wrong in her, by an excess of care, to obtrude herself on other people's notice. Only that which is suitable should be practiced.

She must not selfishly think first of her own parents and only secondly of her husband's relations. At New Year, on Five Festivals, and on other like occasions she should pay her first respect to those of her husband's house, and then to her own parents. Without her husband's permission, she must go nowhere, neither should she make any gift on her own responsibility.

As a woman rears up posterity not to her own parents, but to her father-in-law and mother-in-law, she must value the latter even more than the former, and tend them filial piety. Her visits, also, to the paternal house should be rare after marriage. How msuch more then with regard to other friends should it generally suffice for her to send a message to inquire after their health. Again, she must not be filled with pride at the recollection of the splendor of her parental house, and must not make it the subject of her conversations.

THE TREATMENT OF SERVANTS

However many servants she may have in her employ, it is a woman's duty not to shirk the trouble of attending to everything herself, She must sew her father-in-law's and mother-in-law's garments, and make ready their food. Ever attentive to the requirements of her husband, she must fold his clothes and dust his rug, rear his children, wash what is dirty, be constantly in the midst of her household, and never go abroad but of necessity.

Her treatment of her handmaidens will require circumspection. Those low-born girls have had no proper education; they are stupid, obstinate, and vulgar in their speech. When anything in the conduct of their mistress's husband or parents-in-law crosses their wishes, they fill her ears with their invectives, thinking thereby to render her a service. But any woman who should listen to this gossip must beware of the heart burnings it will be sure to breed. Easy is it by reproaches and disobedience to lose the love of those who, like a woman's marriage connections, were all originally strangers; and it were surely folly, by believing the prattle of a servant-girl, to diminish the affection of a precious father-in-law and mother-in-law. If a servant girl be altogether too loquacious and bad, she should speedily be dismissed; for it is by the gossips of such persons that occasion is given for the troubling of the harmony of kinsmen and the of a household. Again, in her dealings with these low people, a woman will find many things to disapprove of. But if she be forever reproving and scolding, and spend her time in hustle and anger, her household will be in a continual state of disturbance. When there is real wrongdoing, she should occasionally notice it, and point out the path of amendment, while lesser faults should be quietly endured without anger. While in her heart she compassionates her subordinates' weakness, she must outwardly admonish them with all strictness to walk in the path of propriety, and never allow them to fall into idleness. If any is to be succored, let her not be grudging of her money; but she must not foolishly shower down her gifts on such as merely please her individual caprice, but are unprofitable servants.

THE INFIRMITIES OF WOMAN

The five worst infirmities that afflict the female are indocility, discontent, slander, jealousy, and silliness. Without any doubt, these five infirmities are found in seven or eight out of every ten women, and it is from these that arises the inferiority of women to men. A woman should cure them by self-inspection and self-reproach.

The worst of them all and the parent of the other four is silliness. Woman's nature is passive. This passiveness being of the nature of night is dark. Hence, as viewed from the standard of man's nature, the foolishness of woman fails to understand the duties that lie before her very eyes, perceives not the actions that will bring down blame upon her own head, and comprehends not even the things that will bring down calamities on the head of her husband and children. Neither when she blames and accuses and curses innocent persons, nor when, in her jealousy of others, she thinks to set up herself alone, does she see that she is her own enemy, estranging others and incurring their hatred. Lamentable errors! Again, in the education, of her children, her blind affection induces an erroneous system. Such is the stupidity of her character that it is incumbent on her, in every particular, to distrust herself and to obey her husband.

We are told that it was the custom of the ancients, on the birth of a female child, to let it lie on the floor for the space of three days. Even in this may be seen the likening of the man to heaven and of the woman to earth; and the custom should teach a woman how necessary it is for her in everything to yield to her husband the first, and to be herself content with the second place; to avoid pride, even if there be in her actions aught deserving praise; and, on the other hand, if she transgress in aught and incur blame, to wend her way through the difficulty and amend the fault, and so conduct herself as not again to lay herself open to censure; to endure without anger and indignation the jeers of others, suffering such things with patience and humility. If a woman acts thus, her conjugal relation cannot but be harmonious and enduring, and her household a scene of peace and concord.

Parents! Teach the foregoing maxims to your daughters from their tenderest years! Copy them out from time to time, that they may read and never forget them! Better than the garments and divers vessels which the fathers of the present day so lavishly bestow upon their daughters when giving them away in marriage, were it to teach them thoroughly these precepts, which would guard them as a precious jewel throughout their lives. How true is that ancient saving: " A man knoweth how to spend a million pieces of money in marrying off his daughter, but knoweth not how to spend a hundred thousand in bringing up his child! " Such as have daughters must lay this well to heart.